The girls spent the past weekend with Grandma. I thank the Lord for allowing my mother to request the girls last weekend, after the week my husband and I had and the plans we made a month ago, did not include the girls.
I’ve mentioned before my husband and I married after we had the twins. Because of this fact, and my rebellion, I had the twins ears pierced when they were 8 weeks old, as most African American women. However, I did not get #8′s ears pierced out of respect for my husband and the fact we were married, I graciously allowed him to have a decision. I was contentious as ever.
My husband decided #8 should not have her ears pierced until she was 13 years of age which is a time, in his opinion, she would appreciate wearing earrings and not become vain. Whatever! I choose to respect his wishes and my mind was set. Besides, he complains all the time, his first wife had #3′s ears pierced without his consent. I just knew I was the better wife, because I respected my husband. Yeah, right! Pride was a motivating factor.
I pictured our special day, #8 and me, at the hairdresser, mani/pedi spa day, ear piercing and lunch. I began to appreciate my husbands wishes for waiting to have her ears pierced. The anticipation of the day became exciting, because it was not something I had done with the other girls.
Grandma strikes again! Grandma decided it was time to get #8′s ears pierced. I was livid. #8 told me she was scared to tell me her ears were pierced because she knew she had to wait until she was 13 years old. My mother used to do this a lot. She believes, because I am an only child, she can usurp my husbands authority within our marriage, especially when it pertains to “her” grandchildren. Arguing with my mother does no good. In her mind she is ‘practically perfect in every way’. She ain’t no Mary Poppins. Yet, I wonder where do I get the self-righteous, I’m perfect attitude from? Hmm. Let me think. I have stopped the girls from spending a lot of time with grandma over the last few years because of stunts like this she would pull in the past with #’s 4, 6-7.
I spent a lot of time praying and fasting for unity within my marriage. I realized in one weekend my mother allowed the thief to use her to create, what could possibly have been, a disturbance and division within my household. I thank God my husband spent the weekend listening to Emerson Eggerichs, Crazy Cycle CD in the car. I was truly surprised me he enjoyed the CD. Because of this, I believe he was calm and the Lord prepared him, in advance, for what was to come.
I thought my husband would take his usual stance of, “Your mother wants to control you and me. Your mother has no respect for me. Your mother. Your mother. Your mother.” The enemy did not know my house, at that moment, was not divided. He did not anticipate, neither did I, my husband would say, “Who am I as a man to truly understand the value and importance of wearing earrings to a woman. My religion, 7th Day Adventist, does not promote the wearing of earrings for women which is why I do not believe in little girls having their ears pierced. I do not want the girls to grow up thinking that earrings make them beautiful. I want them to know they are beautiful without the earrings. I want them to understand the earrings accentuate their beauty.” I was crushed. Because secretly in the midst of my anger, I was excited #8′s ears were pierced. Yet, at that moment, I truly understood and heard my husbands heart.
I told him I would remove the earrings from #8′s ears until she turned 13 years old. In the interim, #4 was sending text messages pleading for my husband and I to find a compromise allowing #8 to keep the earrings. Apparently, #8 called #4 FIRST to tell her she had her ears pierced. I was a little jealous, I admit.
Nonetheless, #8 still has the earrings in her ears. My husband calmly accepted the fact #8 ears were pierced and the thief walked off with nothing. The thief did not succeed in creating division within my marriage and/or household. The thief did not succeed in having my husband leave and shut down communication. The thief did not succeed in having me disrespect my mother. The thief did not succeed in oppressing or causing sadness or rejection in #8. The thief did not succeed in causing me to choose sides. The thief did not succeed in me feeling depressed. The thief did not succeed by having me feel rejected that my husband did not consider my feelings. THE THIEF DID NOT SUCCEED!
What I learned from this past weekend was to ensure NO ONE could create division within my household. Especially, not a parent.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh (Gen. 2:24).